June Retrospective: Progress not perfection

Its the 1st of July, so time to take a quick look at my recovery in June.

Here’s the updated sobriety chart:

Screen Shot 2016-07-01 at 22.02.09.png

As you can see, the graph has gone downwards from May to June. That’s the wrong direction! Indeed this is true… I acted out 10 days in June and 9 in May, but there’s a big but.

In June, I went 10 days without watching porn; the longest streak since January this year. That is a massive improvement for me and one that I’m really pleased about. It shows that I can do it; that it is possible. I just need to keep working on the details that keep me sober and avoid the slips.

Two things of note for June:

  1. I achieved the increased sobriety streak by re-connecting with my therapist, committing to some daily routines, and implementing porn blockers on my devices. The combination of preventing me from acting out technologically, with improving my mindset through reading and writing on a regular basis, had a demonstrable affect.
  2. The slips were almost always because I hadn’t stuck to one of my routines, for example going to bed at 10:30pm without fail. If I stay up too late, I inevitably end up watching (or trying to watch) porn. If I am staying up late, it is a sign that my mindset is slipping – that I’m losing focus on the goals and slipping back into escapism. The answer is simple – I need to stick to the routines without fail. If I can do that, I’m confident I’ll start to build up more mental strength.

I still fight the blocks in my low points, and if I find a loophole I’m powerless to withstand it. That’s the drawback of blocks for me; they represent a possibility of something, the pursuit of which becomes as exciting as the actual result.

So now it is July and a chance to put this into practice. Day by day. I often look forward a few days or weeks to imagine what sobriety would feel like, and as nice as that is, it is more important to focus on the present and the current day. One day at a time. One day at a time. Look after the pennies and the pounds take care of themselves… that sort of thing.

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