A new month, a new post to look at progress.
Well, the good news is that after two months of total acting out chaos, May was a huge improvement. I acted out 9 days out of 31.
May was me focussing again on recovery, after a few months of giving it almost no thought. My second daughter was born in December, and I allowed the routine and sleep disruption this caused to distract me from any efforts in recovery. But the time came to refocus, and I’m pleased to see progress was made.
Now I need to take it even further. In May, I only went to one SAA meeting, and haven’t committed to the daily routines that I know contribute to my recovery, so I need to find a way to re-motivate to do that. And that is where I am struggling currently – motivation. As I’m sure I’ve mentioned countless times before, one cruel aspect of porn addiction is that often there are no visible consequences. I haven’t cheated on anyone, I haven’t seen any deterioration in my health, I just stayed up late. It makes it hard to make significant life changes. Obviously, the longer term consequences remain, and can be significant, but as they are harder to see in front of me, they are harder to use as a motivator.
The answer to this probably lies somewhere within the routines. These include reading statements to myself that explain why I’m doing this, so these reasons stay fresh in my mind and become motivators again. I just need to bloody commit to doing it.