The first part of my theoretical key ingredients to recovery is motivation, and part of that is having something I read every day that keeps me focussed on why I want to quit porn. It is surprisingly easy to lose sight of these reasons, and to trick myself into thinking that watching porn won’t matter, but obviously this is the inner addict speaking and so reading my “mission statement” every day helps remind me of the impact of my addiction.
I am currently reading the following three times a day (and I have three daily reminders set on my phone to help me with this). Many of these are personal to my circumstances, so if you were thinking of writing something similar, you’d first need to honestly think through all the negative consequences of your porn addiction, as well as all of the positive life changes that your addiction is preventing, and include them in your own statement:
I’ve included some additional commentary for context in italics below
If I keep watching porn:
- My ankle will never get better (I broke my ankle a few years ago and the constant tensing of it during the hours and hours of porn watching prevents it from recovering)
- My knee will never get better (see above)
- Sex with [my wife] will always be limited and my mind distracted
- I risk my relationship with my kids
- I will often be tired, distant and irritable
- I will waste so many hours that I would otherwise be spending with [my wife] and the kids or doing something productive or fulfilling
- I will never be fully present or able to fully appreciate my life and the world around me
- I get to see naked people pretend to have feelings for each other and have sex in exchange for money
Is it worth it?
If I stop watching porn:
- I will live a life free from distractions
- I will have a sense of pride in my daily life
- I will benefit from an increased sense of discipline that I can apply to other things
- I will have the best possible relationship with Rach, Imogen and Carina
- I will have a genuine and passionate sex life
Today, I will make one decision – to not look at porn today. Think about why, and make a positive decision.