I haven’t posted in a while, and I don’t really want to actually, as it is a way of facing what’s going on, which I don’t really want to do. Such is the dilemma of the addict. It’s also a new month, so let’s look at last month in a month-by-month progress chart: As you […]
I’m going to write in some detail about a slip I experienced yesterday. I hope this will help me process it, and by ‘making a big deal’ out of it (as I should), this should hopefully help me avoid minimising the consequences and the act, and therefore maintain focus on the motivations for staying sober […]
A new month means a new monthly retrospective to see how the last month went. Here’s the trusty chart: A slight dip in September compared to August, but both months still above 70%, unlike June and July which were below 70%. I think very slowly there is an improvement taking place, even if that is […]
I’m getting settled in to the weekly SAA meeting I go to now in my new home town. It has a nice vibe to it, everyone is really friendly, open, honest and supportive. I even met up with some of the members beforehand for a coffee. Tonight’s meeting was powerful, and has given me some things to think about. […]
This week UK politician Keith Vaz was outed by a tabloid newspaper for paying two men for sex, and offering to pay for their drugs and take some as well. The paper had met the escorts in advance and encouraged them to film the meeting, and gave them advice on how to do it, obviously in […]
The other night I acted out, but this post isn’t about that. I became aware of something… a feeling… while and after the fact, that I don’t think I had really acknowledged before. What I felt was, for lack of a better word… friendship. I realised I have feelings for these porn stars. Not in the […]
Its that time of the month again! Into a new month so time to reflect on the month before. Here’s my updated sobriety chart: July was basically the same as June. I had one long period of sobriety (11 days), and then after a slip the rest of the month was failing to get back to […]
…I’ve come to deal with you again. Its amazing how quickly I can go from being positive, connected and energised to acting out, and then dealing with the resulting bout of being tired, disconnected and unmotivated. I mean really, it can happen in the space of a few seconds. I can genuinely be feeling great, then […]
Its the 1st of July, so time to take a quick look at my recovery in June. Here’s the updated sobriety chart: As you can see, the graph has gone downwards from May to June. That’s the wrong direction! Indeed this is true… I acted out 10 days in June and 9 in May, but there’s a […]
Last night I slipped. Today I am dealing with the usual mental repercussions – depression, anxiety, tiredness and horniness to name a few. As always, each time I act out I ask myself why and how it happened and what I need to do differently to prevent a similar situation happening again. This time it was easy to […]
