Time for a check-in. I'm at a low point in recovery. Often what happens is that the acting out increases until I reach a certain point where the negative consequences start to become more obvious, and as a result I gain a glimmer of motivation to get back on track. It is an easy slope … Continue reading I’m a passenger in my own life
My Values for 2017
As I've mentioned in my recent posts, I've been doing a lot of thinking about what recovery means to me and how I want to approach it. This is essentially combining some core, unavoidable principles of recovery with my own gut instincts of how I best operate, to build an approach that I can truly believe … Continue reading My Values for 2017
Giving Myself Permission To Do Things I Enjoy
Something has been on mind lately, and that is the relationship between acting out and acting "in". "In" being doing things that I actually enjoy and are rewarding/productive/fulfilling. I've really noticed that when I act out, I'm very often doing it in the knowledge that there is something I'd rather be doing, but something compels me to watch … Continue reading Giving Myself Permission To Do Things I Enjoy
Struggling with the religion of SAA
Getting started with the Steps I recently attempted to commit to doing the 12 steps of Sex Addicts Anonymous. For the last 2 years I have attended SAA meetings and met members, to gain benefit from talking about addiction with like-minded people, but I've never actually done the steps. After a month of unsuccessfully re-trying … Continue reading Struggling with the religion of SAA
Checking in – tough times
I haven't posted in a while, and I don't really want to actually, as it is a way of facing what's going on, which I don't really want to do. Such is the dilemma of the addict. It's also a new month, so let's look at last month in a month-by-month progress chart: As you … Continue reading Checking in – tough times
Details of a slip
I'm going to write in some detail about a slip I experienced yesterday. I hope this will help me process it, and by 'making a big deal' out of it (as I should), this should hopefully help me avoid minimising the consequences and the act, and therefore maintain focus on the motivations for staying sober … Continue reading Details of a slip
September Retrospective: Goal Accountability
A new month means a new monthly retrospective to see how the last month went. Here's the trusty chart: A slight dip in September compared to August, but both months still above 70%, unlike June and July which were below 70%. I think very slowly there is an improvement taking place, even if that is … Continue reading September Retrospective: Goal Accountability
A Powerful Meeting
I'm getting settled in to the weekly SAA meeting I go to now in my new home town. It has a nice vibe to it, everyone is really friendly, open, honest and supportive. I even met up with some of the members beforehand for a coffee. Tonight's meeting was powerful, and has given me some things to think about. … Continue reading A Powerful Meeting
Thoughts on Keith Vaz, by a sex addict
This week UK politician Keith Vaz was outed by a tabloid newspaper for paying two men for sex, and offering to pay for their drugs and take some as well. The paper had met the escorts in advance and encouraged them to film the meeting, and gave them advice on how to do it, obviously in … Continue reading Thoughts on Keith Vaz, by a sex addict
Acknowledging my relationship with porn / saying farewell
The other night I acted out, but this post isn't about that. I became aware of something... a feeling... while and after the fact, that I don't think I had really acknowledged before. What I felt was, for lack of a better word... friendship. I realised I have feelings for these porn stars. Not in the … Continue reading Acknowledging my relationship with porn / saying farewell
