Time for a check-in. I'm at a low point in recovery. Often what happens is that the acting out increases until I reach a certain point where the negative consequences start to become more obvious, and as a result I gain a glimmer of motivation to get back on track. It is an easy slope … Continue reading I’m a passenger in my own life
Tag: porn addiction
My Values for 2017
As I've mentioned in my recent posts, I've been doing a lot of thinking about what recovery means to me and how I want to approach it. This is essentially combining some core, unavoidable principles of recovery with my own gut instincts of how I best operate, to build an approach that I can truly believe … Continue reading My Values for 2017
Giving Myself Permission To Do Things I Enjoy
Something has been on mind lately, and that is the relationship between acting out and acting "in". "In" being doing things that I actually enjoy and are rewarding/productive/fulfilling. I've really noticed that when I act out, I'm very often doing it in the knowledge that there is something I'd rather be doing, but something compels me to watch … Continue reading Giving Myself Permission To Do Things I Enjoy
Struggling with the religion of SAA
Getting started with the Steps I recently attempted to commit to doing the 12 steps of Sex Addicts Anonymous. For the last 2 years I have attended SAA meetings and met members, to gain benefit from talking about addiction with like-minded people, but I've never actually done the steps. After a month of unsuccessfully re-trying … Continue reading Struggling with the religion of SAA
Checking in – tough times
I haven't posted in a while, and I don't really want to actually, as it is a way of facing what's going on, which I don't really want to do. Such is the dilemma of the addict. It's also a new month, so let's look at last month in a month-by-month progress chart: As you … Continue reading Checking in – tough times
Details of a slip
I'm going to write in some detail about a slip I experienced yesterday. I hope this will help me process it, and by 'making a big deal' out of it (as I should), this should hopefully help me avoid minimising the consequences and the act, and therefore maintain focus on the motivations for staying sober … Continue reading Details of a slip
September Retrospective: Goal Accountability
A new month means a new monthly retrospective to see how the last month went. Here's the trusty chart: A slight dip in September compared to August, but both months still above 70%, unlike June and July which were below 70%. I think very slowly there is an improvement taking place, even if that is … Continue reading September Retrospective: Goal Accountability
A Powerful Meeting
I'm getting settled in to the weekly SAA meeting I go to now in my new home town. It has a nice vibe to it, everyone is really friendly, open, honest and supportive. I even met up with some of the members beforehand for a coffee. Tonight's meeting was powerful, and has given me some things to think about. … Continue reading A Powerful Meeting
Acknowledging my relationship with porn / saying farewell
The other night I acted out, but this post isn't about that. I became aware of something... a feeling... while and after the fact, that I don't think I had really acknowledged before. What I felt was, for lack of a better word... friendship. I realised I have feelings for these porn stars. Not in the … Continue reading Acknowledging my relationship with porn / saying farewell
July Retrospective: The Elusive Wagon
Its that time of the month again! Into a new month so time to reflect on the month before. Here's my updated sobriety chart: July was basically the same as June. I had one long period of sobriety (11 days), and then after a slip the rest of the month was failing to get back to … Continue reading July Retrospective: The Elusive Wagon
