The other night I acted out, but this post isn't about that. I became aware of something... a feeling... while and after the fact, that I don't think I had really acknowledged before. What I felt was, for lack of a better word... friendship. I realised I have feelings for these porn stars. Not in the … Continue reading Acknowledging my relationship with porn / saying farewell
Tag: porn recovery
One Month Sober – Reflections
Today, February 1st 2015, marks the first full calendar month that I have stayed sober from pornography. Throughout my efforts to quit last year, the longest I ever went was 13 days, and that was once - generally I would relapse on average after about 7 days, so I'm pleased to have made it to one … Continue reading One Month Sober – Reflections
Milestone #4 – Telling my sister
This weekend I told my sister about my addition. To me this represented the 4th milestone in my journey of recovery. Those milestones have been: #1 - Admitting I was addicted to internet pornography and telling my wife #2 - Going to see a therapist for the first time #3 - Going to a Sex Addicts … Continue reading Milestone #4 – Telling my sister
Christmas Eve 2014
Its Christmas Eve and I'm full of thoughts. I suppose it is inherently a time of reflection but for me my current situation in life has left me to perhaps be more reflective than usual. I went to my second 12-step meeting yesterday, and the majority of people who shared expressed worry about getting through … Continue reading Christmas Eve 2014
The Identities of an Addict
Recently I have become more and more aware of the separation I feel between the 'outer' me - that people see and interact with - and the 'inner' me, that is constantly aware of my struggle with porn and the fact that those I am speaking with have no idea about this secret of mine. … Continue reading The Identities of an Addict
A pretty detailed account of my (porn) life
Today, while browsing r/NoFap, I came across a video called "Share Your Story" by a guy (supposedly) called Noah Church. Watching his other videos, he's an articulate and charismatic ex-porn addict who is spreading the word about addiction and providing help to those still struggling with it (here's probably his best video - a 20 minute … Continue reading A pretty detailed account of my (porn) life
Trauma, Self-Esteem and a Hypothesis
There are two aspects to beating porn addiction - the physical process of abstinence and the methods of doing so, and understanding the psychological background and context that has led to the addiction. They say that to really explore the latter, you need to achieve the former. This post is about the latter. Ever since reading Paula Hall's … Continue reading Trauma, Self-Esteem and a Hypothesis
Status Update – more content blocking!
So September is nearly upon us and looking back, August has been probably the toughest month I've had to deal with in relation to porn addiction. My anxiety and stress levels have been through the roof, yet I've been relapsing at the same regularity as before, so all in all I'm finding it hard to … Continue reading Status Update – more content blocking!
Monthly report: July 2014
I have been recording in a Google Calendar my daily progress. A green 🙂 goes if I did not look at porn that day, otherwise it gets a red X. At the end of each month, I total up the number of days clean as a percentage of total days in the month, with the goal being … Continue reading Monthly report: July 2014
Private therapy session #2 take-away
Today I had my second private therapy session with a sex addiction counsellor. I had decided to go down the counselling route for two reasons: 1) self-motivation wasn't working and 2) I started to appreciate that to fix my addiction, I'd have to really understand the underlying psychological reasons for it; something I would likely not … Continue reading Private therapy session #2 take-away
